Please note that the follow story is hard to hear. It discusses profound failure, Trauma, and loss of life by way of suicide.

“Hear me when I say, I don’t want 22 push-ups! I want healthcare, and I want my friends back.” I screamed into the void on August 17, 2023 when

I received the notification that my friend and classmate from the United States Naval Academy, Julian, had passed away. This was the 7th similar notification I received since graduating and commissioning in May of 2019. My friends, my brothers and sisters, were not dying in combat though, or even training accidents due to the nature of the job, they were dying in the healthcare system. I knew this system painfully well, barely surviving it myself. I knew something had to change, and I knew that I could not change the healthcare system overnight. What I could do was give active duty and veteran personnel access to the treatments and services that healed me, now, with a singular goal of keeping my friends alive. We hit the ground running and created Healing Can’t Wait! a 501.c3 committed to giving vitality and agency back to our nation’s heroes.

In May of 2022, I was medically evacuated from the Middle East after spending a week in the hospital in Bahrain because my liver, kidneys, and gallbladder were failing. I had a history of Trauma that I was attempting to seek help for prior to deployment, and was evacuated with a PTSD diagnosis, despite the physical manifestations that landed me in the hospital. When I finally made it wheels down in San Diego, two weeks, four countries later, and multiple C-17 flights later, I was taken to Balboa Hospital – and almost immediately sent home as my injuries were not life threatening. “It will be 6-8 weeks for an intake appointment,” the nurse said. Completely defeated, I sheepishly accepted, reunited with my husband and we went home, all in an hour.

A few days later, my symptoms became extreme again, and my husband took me to the emergency room demanding a more satisfying answer than 6-8 weeks for an appointment given the severity of the circumstances. At this moment, I lost all agency. I was told the only way to expedite an appointment was to say I was suicidal. Desperate for help, I did, knowing my career as a naval officer would end. It wasn’t entirely false as I was certainly experiencing passive suicidal ideations, and completely consumed in my own suffering. I waited for 36 hours before being transferred to a San Diego local mental hospital as there were no available beds in Balboa Hospital. I was held there for five days due to lack of social worker availability, heavily medicated, with criminals, addicts, and other patients with violent mental health issues. A fellow service member was sexually assaulted by another patient who was waiting for a criminal sentencing. To say this was re-Traumatizing in every sense would be an understatement (The New York Times has since investigated and reported on “The Profitable Business of Holding Patients Against Their Will, those interviewed and my story are chillingly similar). I was discharged from the hospital without a care plan in June 2022. I did not start an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) with Trauma specialization until August. I kept myself alive with almost no acknowledgement from the Navy, or medical for 3 months. IOP helped. Trauma treatment helps. Care, generally, helps. The road to get there, however, was simply so Traumatizing in of itself that my whole system was barely functioning. Suddenly, I had extreme chronic pain, my digestive system was not online, and I certainly couldn’t think clearly. I was screaming in my sleep far less though, and Ihadn’t had a panic attack in a few months. That was progress.

With some relief, I found a lot of determination. I categorically rejected the answers I was given. I knew this was not the way, and while I continued to attend the intermittent treatment I was offered, I knew it would not be enough to get me back to living a full life again. I widened the aperture and began seeing a local chiropractor in January of 2023 where they recommended three treatments per week, based on my scans. Quite the difference compared to the usual cycle: call for a primary care appointment for one issue, wait 3-4 weeks, get a referral, wait 1-2 weeks for scheduling, wait 4-6 weeks for a specialist to start treatment. After starting, there was no consistency for follow up appointments. Each issue was treated as siloed from the others, without flexibility. This is the cycle for all issues that are not immediately life threatening. It is also important to note that at this point, I was in a limited duty status and was not responsible for the same duties expected of me at my rank and position. Attempting to seek medical care while operational is nearly impossible. With this time, I poured into my own healing, relentlessly pursuing anything that could help: chiropractics, neuromuscular massage, acupuncture, breathwork, yoga, reiki, prana energy healing, Ayurveda, etc. A few months later, with a full treatment schedule, I could see color again. I could move my body again. I smiled, and laughed again. I was still struggling, certainly, but there was hope. My health was finally trending right, just as I received the notification that another member of my family lost their fight.

This was not normal. It is not normal for multiple kids under the age of 26, who are some of the smartest, fittest, toughest kids in the nation to die in these unnatural ways. David Forney died of a heart attack in February 2020; he was 22 years old, and a starting Navy Football player (#68). Rachel Williams, 23, took her own life in August 2020, despite actively seeking treatment. Katherine Gooding was misdiagnosed due to COVID, and died of meningitis in October 2020. She was a 23 year old marathon runner. AJ Lorimer took his own life in nuke school preparing to be a naval submarine officer in June 2021, despite actively seeking care. Van Saloman took his own life in flight school, preparing to be a naval aviator in November 2021, despite attempting to get help. In May 2023, Ashleigh Farrow, a forward deployed Marine, couldn’t get appropriate care for a knee injury she sustained on the Naval Academy soccer field and died in Japan due to a blood clot that was not taken seriously by medical. She was 26. Julian Brown completed suicide in August 2023 in nuke school while preparing to be a submarine officer, despite attempting to seek medical attention. In January 2024, Joey Resendez, 26, died of a heart attack while deployed on the USS Leyte Gulf. That means, since we graduated from the Naval Academy five years ago, we have lost eight souls, all attributed to lack of effective healthcare. This is excluding those we have lostto unspeakable tragedies. This is not normal!